Dear Mello
by Aeon1622
Summary: "... If only I had the courage to tell you then, we wouldn't have to be like this now. I love you Mello..." My first baby is finally, after MANY trials and tribulations, complete! I'm so excited to share it with everyone! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of the characters depicted in this story. I own nothing and I make nothing off of it. Now enjoy.**

**=D**

_Dear Mello,_

_ I've spent so many years hiding what I've felt, that I think for a while I even had myself fooled. There are so many years of silence, so many thoughts that I would never have dared to vocalize. So many instances when my body itched to have yours near me. So many nights I couldn't sleep because the spot next to me was too cold and empty. Never for a moment did I see you as my rival, as you did me. If only I had the courage to tell you the truth then, we wouldn't have to be like this now. I love you, Mello. That is all I've ever wanted to say._

_-Near_

I regret to say, I have yet to find the courage to convey these thoughts into something more tangible. So far, all I've written is _Dear Mello_. I wonder sometimes, if my letter will ever be completed. Never in my life have I not known what to do, but you Mello, you make me question every decision I make. I can never feel confident that the moves I'm making are the right ones. I can't help but to wonder when it was exactly that I had lost all control. In what moment in time did my reserve falter?

Gently, I hold the last remaining photograph of Mello between my thumb and pointer finger. The feelings that rush through my being, both physical and mental, are completely foreign to me and perhaps it's safe to say that it's even parasitic. It's as if my brain has completely shut down. It's as if all the reasoning in the world could not make sense of the tightening in my chest and the burning in my loins when I think of you. I think back to the circumstances that had brought me to Whammy's House, the circumstances that led to our meeting in the first place.

_The village in Thailand from which I came had been obliterated by an unknown virus. All I could do at the tender age of 6 was stand and watch as my family and neighbors were overcome by the hemorrhagic symptoms. I could do nothing, so I ran and hid instead. A man who went by the name of F had discovered my hiding place behind a stone wall and promised to bring me somewhere safe, to a place called Whammy's House. With my parents dead and the United States military steadily making their way towards where I hide, leaving with F seemed like my only option. _

_ F had picked me up and began to run with me to an old pickup truck that had once belonged to a market owner who now lies dead by the truck's bed. Placing me in the passenger's seat F began to drive. I did not know exactly where he was taking me. I only knew that we had to leave the village now. Finally the fear is beginning to make itself known. I sneak a glance at F only to find a steady stream of blood pouring from his ear. I knew that he didn't have much time and either did I, I would never be able to escape from the United States military on my own. As if reading my thoughts F quickly drove the car off of the main road and into the forest to the right. Getting out of the car and taking me with him, F kneeled down in front of me and told me to make my way to the nearest town while giving me a number to call. "Call this number and ask for Watari. He will be able to help you." Taking off a necklace that held a pendant with the letter "F" engraved, he slipped it around my neck and left. Moments later I heard the steady spinning of helicopter blades and saw the mushroom cloud of the explosion that I'm sure had been the death of F. Completely alone now I begin to make my way through the forest to the next village over. _

_ After a full day of walking I find myself at a payphone dialing the number F had given me before he died. A soft voice answered the phone._

_ "This is L."_

_ "I need to speak with Watari, please."_

_ "Watari is unavailable."_

_ "Please, my name is Nate Rivers and F told me that Watari can help me!"_

_What I heard next did not make sense to me until later. I realized right away that this L was speaking to himself._

_ "Hmm, a gift from F? I will accept this gift."_

_With that L instructed me not to hang up the phone for he was "Tracking my current location." And to remain near the telephone. That same day I was brought to Whammy's House. Holding tightly onto L's hand who had walked me through the front gate of the enormous estate, we were met by a man who had called himself Rodger. L kneeled down to my level and told me that this was to be my new home. It was far too much to take in all at once, so I said nothing and showed nothing. I simply nodded, nothing really registering at the moment. Just as I had expected L to rise and take his leave he looked up to Rodger with a sort of pleading in his eyes. _

_ "Rodger, may I name the boy?" L asked._

_Rodger raised his eyebrows at that, clearly taken by surprise by L's request._

"_I think that Watari would like that." _

_Still kneeling before me L smiled and placed both hands on my shoulders. For a long moment we stayed that way, L searching for something in my eyes. L's smile grew and he stood, still smiling down at me._

_ "Nate Rivers, your new name will be Near."_

Completely lost in his memories, Near failed to hear the soft rapping at his bedroom door. Onyx eyes slowly returning to present day he immediately recognizes the knocking as Halle's.

"You may enter Lidner." came a soft monotonous voice.

A tall woman with long blond hair falling straight down her back walked into the room, stiletto heels clicking against the cold tile floor. Near's room was pristine and as white as the boy himself. In his usual posture at the floor of his bed sat Near. Snowy curls fall half hazardly around his boyish face, alabaster skin a harsh contrast to the deep onyx orbs that stare blankly up at her.

"Mello is on the phone. He's asking for you. What should I tell him?"

_Mello… wants to speak with me? _

As soon as the thought had finished processing Near felt his heart begin to race and his lungs just couldn't seem to get enough oxygen. The twisting and turning in Near's stomach continued as his mind brought him back into his memories, but this time it was of something more pleasant. This time his mind brought him to Mello.

_"Right this way Near." Rodger said trying to regain my attention. I was much to fixated on the silhouette of L leaving the estate… without me. I understood that this was our arrangement, but my understanding wasn't enough to prevent the pang of loneliness in my chest. L was odd, true, but he was kind and intelligent. I very much enjoyed his company. L was the first person since my parent's death to truly take care of me. My only complaint was the food. If I never taste a sweet again it's too soon._

_ I barely even realized that I had started walking until I looked up and saw __**Him.**__ Golden blond locks of hair falling perfectly straight to broad shoulders. Cerulean eyes, contrasting beautifully with his sun kissed skin, were enough to pierce through to my very soul. An angel? I felt my knees become weak and before I knew it I was laying face first in the grass. I heard Rodger gasp and felt him lift me in his arms. I could feel the heat rush to my cheeks. _

"_**What a first impression…**__" is all I could seem to think. "I apologize; it's been a long day."_

"_That's quite alright Near. I'll bring you to the Infirmary; have our nurse take a look at you before we settle you into your room."_

_I nodded my head in agreement. I snuck a glance back at my angel only to see his perfect pink lips turn upward into a sly smile. I can see by the look in his eyes that he knew that he was the cause of my lack of strength, not the prior events of that day. I could feel my face grow hotter. _

_ "__**Well, it can't get any worse I suppose."**_

_If only I knew then what I know now._

"Near?"

Once again brought back to reality, Near looked up at Halle again. Taking a deep breath he opens his mouth to speak;

"You may give me the phone please."

**Author's Note: Well, thank you every one for reading! I hoped that you enjoyed it. Review if you'd like, constructive criticism is welcome. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Again, I own nothing. BoyxBoy. Enjoy.**

**Also, I apologize for the impossibly long wait (like, years. It's absurd, I know) After the death of Laptop 001 writing became an impossible task. Expect a lot more from me now that I have acquired Laptop 002 :D**

**Dear Mello: Chapter 2**

"Near?"

Once again brought back to reality, Near looked up at Halle again. Taking a deep breath he opens his mouth to speak;

"You may give me the phone please."

Halle does as she is ordered and her kitten heels click as she turns and leaves the room and gently shuts the door behind her. With trembling hands Near lifts the phone to his ear in that awkward manner he learned from L so any years prior.

"What can I do for you, Mello?"

"Don't play coy with me Near! You know damn well what I want!"

Near tries to control his shaking breath, desperate to slow the rapid pounding of his heart. His nervous state was so subtle that any average person would never notice the slight breathlessness of his words or the way his eyes got just a little darker; but Mello wasn't average, Near feared that he would be able to smell his intimidation through the phone. Especially now that he's clearly seeing that the blonde bombshell hasn't changed at all; still the ticking time bomb he always was. More than half of the time Near wasn't even aware of what he had done to anger the older boy so much. Mello's lashing out at him was not something he had ever gotten used to or understood, even after all of these years.

"My picture, Near. I know you have it and I want it back. Better yet, you little freak, why don't you tell me why you have it in the first place!?"Mello was angry again. Not, I'm going to make you bleed, angry; but he was getting there. Near raised a sweaty palm to twirl a lock of hair at the nape of his neck; he could practically feel Mello's cerulean orbs piercing his very soul through the phone.

"Name calling will get you nowhere. If you would like it back, you may come to SPK headquarters and retrieve it. I have no use for it. You will be receiving an e-mail with the coordinates." Near quickly hung up the phone just as the raging blonde began to yell something he didn't quite catch. Better to end the conversation before Mello blew a gasket. Now he was left to deal with the hardest part of dealing with Mello; the waiting game. It was never a matter of _if_ or _what_, it was always a matter of _when_. Near knew that the raging typhoon was probably already causing astronomical property damages while racing towards the SPK headquarters on his motorcycle. Near almost allowed himself a slight smile as he recalled all of the patience that his peer so severely lacked.

"_Could you POSSIBLY go any slower!?" Tendrils of gold fluttered in the breeze as the young boy huffed and laid his chin in his hand; oceanic blue half lidded with a look of boredom and annoyance directed towards the small ball of white who was very much taking his time. After all, chess was a game that needed to be thought out, if you rushed in without considering every tactical advantage and disadvantage you would quickly succumb to defeat. Though the more that Near considered the current situation he began to wonder if there was such thing as victory against Mello; he was damned if he did and damned if he didn't, either way the older boy was bound to throw a fit. Bracing himself for the storm so clearly on the horizon, Near made his move and down went Mello's knight. "Check mate." The wind decided to blow ever so slightly more forceful; fair yellow locks whisping wildly around down turned lips and dangerously narrowed eyes. Near felt his heart jump into his throat; if he hadn't feared for his well being he might have relished in the beauty before him for a moment longer before down casting his onyx eyes. _

_Despite the poor circumstances of the scene playing out before him, Near was left reminiscent of that very first day he laid eyes on the remarkable beauty that was Mello. Tanned skin and long , nimble limbs; strands of gold framing the most perfect shade of blue. Though pouty pink lips were no longer smirking at him, but scowling. Though the older boy's afflictions were a daily bane on Near's existence, he supposed it were better than going unnoticed. _

_A growl low in Mello's throat woke Near from his revere as a strong hand swiped the chess pieces and sent them flying in all directions; the patch of grass under the large tree which they were sitting now littered with marble pieces. __**Here we go… **__was the bitter thought flitting around in Near's mind as the fire in Mello's eyes began to rage. _

"_Really!? REALLY!? No. Fucking. Way. You cheated, you HAD to have cheated! I HAD you!" He was standing now, towering over Near's crouched form, eerily still amongst the commotion that was Mello. Near raised a hand to twirl a lock of snow white hair at the nape of his neck and glanced up into the stormy eyes glaring daggers at him, eyes as vacant as ever. "Mello, I had insisted that you should take more care in your actions and think them out before you-" _

"_Shut. Up. I will kick you in your pasty white throat, I swear it!" Near resigned himself to Mello's anger, releasing the slightest of sighs and once again down casting his eyes, suddenly deciding a particularly long blade of grass required his immediate attention. __**Well… That was quite the threat. He's been exploring his creative side, I see.**__ Near once again sighed as he watched the boy storm off towards the large mansion that was their home. If Mello could clear his head and slow down for just a moment he would have seen that Near had been trying to help him, not mock him. Maybe someday they would be able to overcome this silly rivalry; especially when Near wasn't trying to compete with the blond at all, he was merely playing the cards he was dealt. Long, thin fingers began collecting the scattered marble; a single tear cascading down an otherwise doll-like face._

Halle's soft knocking on the door once again interrupted Near's thoughts and he called for her to enter. "Mello is here, where would you like to speak with him?"

"Here is fine." Knowing how close Mello was made his head spin; he felt like a duck, calm on the surface but paddling madly beneath the water. Taking slow deep breaths, Near's ears were met with the sound of large boots on the cold tile floor of his bedroom.

"So, about that picture."

**No worries, I won't do you wrong again; next chapter is already in the works. **

**Also, I know nothing of chess so if that little tid bit didn't make much sense, cut me a bit of slack :P **

**Keep an eye out for the next part ;D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello again, Fans! As I'm sure you've noticed my writing style has changed a bit, unfortunately I hadn't noticed much myself until **_**after**_** the completion of Chapter 2. So I apologize for the confusion; I do realize that the story was originally written as Near and not from the view of a third party. I'm actually partially considering amending Chapter 1 to flow better with my current style of writing. Let me know what you all think about that! **

**Also, I can't for the life of me remember how this actually went, so… umm… improv! **

**Okay, enjoy your story, I'll stop rambling now. **

"What do you _mean_ it wasn't there?" Mello's voice was a low growl; this is what the calm before the storm sounded like. Matt dipped his head, allowing crimson bangs to shield his eyes from Mello's fiery stare. Sure, Matt was used to Mello's bi-polar coaster personality, and though it wasn't often, being on the receiving end of all of that rage was still hard to deal with.

"I looked exactly where you told me to. It's gone, Mells. Maybe a new kid found it?" Matt chanced a quick glance up at his friend to see just how bad this outburst was going to be; Mello's slightly twitching eye let him know it was best to stop talking and to maybe suggest treating his friend to Godiva. If there was one way to tame this chocoholic it was by feeding into his addiction; Matt figured it could always be worse, Mello's physique showed no sign of the abuse it was put through.

"Oh, makes sense. I know _I_ always make sure to move the dresser, lift the corner of the carpet and check under the floorboards of every bedroom I stay in." Azure eyes were slightly narrowed, further emphasizing the sarcasm dripping in his otherwise velvety voice. Running a gloved hand through tangled strands a heavy sigh fell from pink lips as the boy tore open a bar of chocolate and began pacing the small apartment in which he lived with his best friend. Mello broke off a piece with a surprisingly loud **snap** and moved it around in his mouth, allowing the treat to melt; despite his lack of patience and _go, go, go_ attitude, if he felt it was worth the wait the blond actually enjoyed taking his time with his indulgences and really savor the moments as they came. Unfortunately for both boys the usually calming effect the velvety sweetness had on the blonde was null and void as Mello's breath continued to hitch in his panic.

"Think, Matt; who else would think to look, would even know it existed?" Mello stood against the only window in the small room which they shared, arm resting against the molding of the window as his eyes scanned the dingy streets two floors below them; almost as though he would find his answer amongst the filth and grime that covered the lower city. Matt shifted from one foot to the other uncomfortably, wanting to avoid speaking the name that Mello had made _very_ clear in the past that he never wanted to hear again; but he knew he had to, there was absolutely no one else, but why would the boy even care to take it in the first place? Matt had personally never had a problem with Near, he thought he was a bit cold, but other than that he didn't mind the kid. Mello, however, loathed him, dedicated his entire being to hating him; it was obsessive and unhealthy. Matt had hoped that the blonde would outgrow his wild paranoia that the quiet albino was plotting his best friend's demise; he had often felt awful for what Mello put the young boy through, but he adored his friend too much to betray his trust and defend his proclaimed rival. He always believed that Near was just misunderstood.

"Mells… I think we both know where your photo is; and I think we both know that you're gonna have to talk to him to get it back." His wording was so carefully thought out, every word spoken slowly and cautiously, weighing his friend's mental state as he took in what was being said, his forest green eyes were alert and focused with concern for the unstable beauty. Mello seemed calm, and that made the redhead nervous; Mello was never calm and most certainly not when their old housemate was concerned. Cerulean continued to gaze into the gray of the city; haunted by how many different shades of the color there were and how vibrant they can be; how many times he'd seen them all flicker across wide eyes framed by full black lashes.

Mello would be lying if he said that he didn't feel some kind of affection for the boy; after all, he had dedicated his life to surpassing him in every way he could muster, there had to be something to say about the respect of the younger boy's abilities if nothing else. Though, there was always something else about the fair boy that rattled Mello to the very core, the very essence of Near left his heart racing and his breathing slightly labored. It started simply enough, reconnaissance; studying his competition, but sometimes a person's weaknesses can also make them beautiful. It was times like those that he found himself becoming forgetful of why he had hated Near to begin with. He just wanted to see the human being behind the unrelenting mask of stoicism one more time, he wanted to make sure he didn't dream that there was a soul within the lithe alabaster frame he had so often admired from distance.

_Little plastic pieces lay shattered and strewn across the pristine wooden floor of the common room, a fragment of what once was Near's favorite toy robot lay broken at his small socked feet; the boy stood motionless staring blankly at the wreckage. Mello was still seething, his breathing ragged and his teeth clench as he snarled at the porcelain boy before him. _

"_Number one again, huh, Near? I bet you think you're so __**fucking**__ great, huh!?" Mello's voice dripped with venomous rage, his fists shaking at his sides. The results of their last test had just been posted on the bulletin board outside of Rodger's office. Aquamarine eyes were the size of dinner plates when the blonde shoved the smaller children out of the way to find his name only to see it hadn't moved since the day Near moved into Whammy's house. He had deprived himself of sleep and food for three days so that he wouldn't have to pry his eyes away from his text books for even a moment; no one had any idea how hard he worked and he was certain that this time he would rise to the top. Mello had to fight the urge to break down into hysterics at the fruitlessness of his efforts; just once did he want to surpass Near, he could happily go back to number two after that, he just wanted one more time and that little freak had to take it from him. Then to add insult to injury he wouldn't even acknowledge the blonde's frustrations with a response, or at the very least a blink of the eyes, anything; he just didn't care how Mello's fall from grace destroyed him._

"_Answer me, you pathetic little twerp!" Raging flames of sapphire danced wildly as they desperately searched the serene seas of powdery slate; what was found there was something that the bronze skinned boy had never anticipated. Mello had been tormenting Near for years to no avail, all of his many attempts to connect with the younger prodigy were completely in vain; the boy opened up to no one. Though in that moment Mello saw a flicker of despair flit across flawless features; dark eyes glistened with unfallen tears, a rosy hue dusting across high cheek bones and the slight trembling of plump pink lips told the true story of what was going on behind the blankness that Near wore on his otherwise angelic face. Small legs ran passed the now stunned blonde as fast as they would carry him, darting through the room and up the stairs to his bedroom; Mello felt as though he was hypnotized by the small thump thump thump Near's socked feet made as he ran away._

_Mello wasn't sure how long he stood there before he heard the solemn voice of his best friend behind him. He turned to meet emerald eyes boring into him, disapproval radiating from the redheads form. "Mells, I'm not sure what you did; but fix it. That's all I'll say." Matt turned to go back to his room before a incredulous Mello grabbed his sleeved arm and pulled him back,_

"_Matt! What are you talking about? Are you seriously mad at me!?" The blonde's voice was shaky, the boy in absolute disbelief; his eyes were wide and brimming with the hurt he felt at his friend's accusation._

"_Not mad, Mells. Just disappointed." Mello thought that hurt more than Matt being angry. He dropped the older boys arm and stared at the floor like a scolded puppy as his friend walked away from him. Sighing and running a hand through his hair he made his way upstairs to his room to clear his mind. As his boot clad feet dragged down the hall he stopped at Near's door, contemplative of making amends with the smaller boy when his ears perked up against the door; he heard the boy's muffled sobbing and Mello could feel his heart break at the sound. __**This wasn't what I wanted…**__ But despite the guilt wreaking havoc on his soul he backed away from the door and walked away._

Mello sighed heavily, a feeling of defeat making his stomach sick as he reached into his jacket for his phone and dialed a number; the gamer grabbing a cigarette and settling on the musty couch. Two rings until the husky voice of a woman answered. "I told you not to call me here." Mello immediately felt the fire in him flare at the woman's attitude. He knew how she wanted him and he hated it, she was nowhere near his type, and her condescending demeanor made her more unbearable. "Who said I wanted to talk to you? Put Near on. It's important, and I'm _not_ asking you." He could hear her huff on the other end of the line and practically see her nose scrunch up at the way he spoke to her; she's a woman who is used to being ogled, not ignored and didn't take to it kindly. The blonde's patience was wearing thin as he listened to the muffled noises on the other end of the line and began tapping his foot incessantly against the wood floor.

"What can I do for you Mello?" Mello felt his heart skip a few beats at the sound of his obsession's voice; it was deeper now and more mature, but not by much. He could still hear the Near he used to know; monotonous and empty and it infuriated him. Why did the rest of the world have to feel so intensely when Near got to coast through life without a care? He never had to try at anything, never had to sacrifice, he just won all the time and didn't even appreciate his position. _**That's it… Now I remember why I hated the bastard.**_

"Don't play coy with me, Near! You know damn well what I want!" Mello would have sworn that he heard the other boy's breath hitch at the accusation, but he couldn't say that it wasn't just wishful thinking. He almost felt like a fool for even entertaining the thought of being able to evoke anything within the abyss that is Near. He just wanted to see something, _anything_ from the younger male; he wanted to see that the boy was human and that he had the power to make him that way. Matt had always been kind to the little albino and it accomplished nothing, Mello took a different approach, allowing the younger to witness how impossibly frustrating his robot act could be.

"My picture, Near. I know you have it and I want it back. Better yet, you little freak, why don't you tell me why you have it in the first place!?" Mello couldn't help but to feel like he was being mocked; why else would Near go so horribly out of his way for something so trivial? Maybe he was setting him up for Kira? There have been betrayals from Near's team before, why should this be different? As paranoid as his mind was being, deep down he knew that Near would never; but he had to be careful, nothing was making sense at this point.

"Name calling will get you nowhere. If you would like it back, you may come to SPK headquarters and retrieve it. I have no use for it. You will be receiving an e-mail with the coordinates."

"Oh, I haven't even—" the line went dead and Mello stared dumbfounded at the phone. "Gotten…. Started. What the FUCK!?" The twerp has gotten bold in his adult years. A crimson brow arched and an amused grin played on the lips of his friend, jade eyes alight with humor. "He got ya, huh? It's about time you got a dose of your own medicine." Matt laughed as though he just witnessed the funniest thing in the world and the pout on Mello's usually hard face only fueled his laughter. Mello huffed and began tying his long flaxen hair into a low pony tail to keep it out of his way.

"Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up. Now, if you don't mind, I need to go show that little dope that his idea of a joke needs work." As Mello stalked out the door he could still hear the laughter of his friend echoing throughout the small apartment and he couldn't help a small smile at the sound.

Stepping out into the chilled street Mello shivered and zipped his leather coat up to his chin before putting his black motorcycle helmet over his head and swinging his leg to straddle the piece of machinery. The engine roared to life and purred seductively between his legs, earning a shiver from it's rider as it always did. Mello was an ebony blur as he raced carelessly through the city streets towards SPK headquarters; nearly the cause for more than one collision as he ignored the angry honking of car horns and the changing of lights from yellow to red. He even took to the sidewalk at one point to avoid a large delivery truck taking it's time making a wide turn, earning panicked shrieks from pedestrians. The recklessness of his driving fueled his adrenaline, so many close calls making his head spin in a beautiful way; he was amazed that he managed to avoid another high speed police chase, not that he wouldn't have welcomed the challenge. Mello arrived fifteen minutes sooner than any sane driver would have, parking his bike outside of an impossibly tall glass structure. The blonde glanced up to the highest floor and could again feel his heart race at his closeness to his obsession after so much time apart. _**Time to go play with the runt's goons.**_

Mello didn't just walk into a room, he _owned_ it and this was no exception. Cobalt eyes narrowed in a determined stare as he brushed past the secretary fruitlessly trying to stop the boy from barging into the SPK's main quarters; the blonde set his lips in a tight line and entered the elevator anyway, pushing the button for the highest floor and grinning victoriously at the shocked woman standing dumbfounded outside the elevator doors as they closed. Eyes stared straight ahead, mind running wild with all the possible scenarios of what was waiting for him just a few floors up. The elevator slowed and gently stopped on Near's floor; Mello sighed and lifted his hands as the doors opened knowing that at least one gun was going to be pointed at his skull. Right again, three pistols armed and ready and three pairs of narrowed eyes waiting for the slightest movement to justify taking a shot at him. Lips down turned in an annoyed scowl at all of the hassle he had to go through for Near of all people, and took a confident step forward and into the room.

"Take another step and I blow you away." Mello's eyes zeroed in on the raven haired man who had the audacity to throw threats at him and immediately felt his blood boil. The man was handsome, very handsome; tall, olive skin, icy blue eyes. _**Too bad pretty boy is a moron. He obviously has no idea who he's dealing with.**_

"As much as I'd _love_ to play this game with you, I'm here on business; and believe it or not, Douche Bag, but I actually come in peace. If this thing does end up going to Hell, blame Near." Mello's voice was husky and dangerous, the obvious threat in his low tone told what would happen if anyone made a move.

Halle's eyes darted nervously from the man to Mello. "Gevanni, he's good, stand down." The man named Gevanni glanced incredulously at his colleague, perfect brows furrowing and lavender-blue eyes narrowing in disbelief of the order he was just given; but nonetheless lowered his gun, albeit reluctantly. The uninhibited frustration on the man's face made Mello chuckle as a smirk formed on his lips. "If you play nice, I just might too." The look on the brunette's face was that of utter loathing.

"Mello, follow me." The two men had been so engulfed in their stare-down that neither had noticed the woman leave before she was already back in the room and beckoning for the younger male to follow her down a long hallway to a large white door. The woman stepped aside and allowed Mello to enter. "Mello, we might not be in the room, but one false move and we'll know." With that she turned and went back from whence she came.

Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, as though he were dreaming; the door opened and in the center of a pure white room sat a pure white boy who was both very different yet very much the same as he remembered. One foot in front of the other, boot clad feet stalked towards the younger boy, stopping abruptly when slate met cobalt. Mello searched for his voice and prayed it was strong.

"So, about that picture."


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello again, Fans! **

**As far as Mello's flashback, I did some serious research and couldn't for the life of me find any information on Mello and Matt's actual backgrounds, so I made one up; contrary to the story blatantly saying that the only one of Whammy's kids to see L in person was Mello. So, I apologize if that irks anyone. **

**Thank you all for bearing with this for so long!**

Near's room was pristine with the exception of a few scattered papers and a wooden box on the floor where Near was sitting in the center of the room; the mostly empty room looked almost as though no one lived in it, just a bed and a nightstand. Mello moved to stand just a few feet away from his lifelong rival, still appearing so frustratingly calm, meanwhile it took all of Mello's strength not to shake the boy for some kind of reaction. "So?" His patience was growing thin, no longer recalling why he had somehow thought this time would be different from all of the rest. Near silently pushed the wooden box towards the older male and went back to twirling his hair and staring at the floor. The blonde slowly bent to pick up the plain box, his moves cautious as though the damn thing would explode. Lifting the lid Mello saw his childhood self smiling back at him and gingerly lifted the photograph as though it were the most fragile thing in the world, flipping it to see _"Dear Mello"_ written in neat, fluid cursive on the back; azure eyes narrowed in confusion before noticing the little plastic fragments of Near's robot that he had destroyed so many years ago. A blonde brow arched as incredulous sapphire eyes searched for some sort of explanation from the albino who still refused to look him in the eye.

"Want to explain these?" Mello's voice wasn't as harsh as he had wanted it to be, instead it told the sincere curiosity that he was feeling.

"You are holding your photo. The plastic fragments are what is left of my favorite robot. Why do you ask questions that you already know the answers to?" Near's heart was pounding and he couldn't help but to wonder why nothing could be simple with the blonde; couldn't he just take his picture and leave? For the sake of Near's heart that was threatening to give out on him, he needed distance.

"You know what I mean, Near. Stop dodging the question." Mello took a tentative step closer to the now visibly frazzled boy at his feet; a long pale finger twirling an abused lock of ivory hair at an alarmingly fast rate. Near's lips parted slightly as though he was considering saying something before looking away and closing his mouth again; the boy obviously at war with himself. Mello dropped to his knees and gently grabbed the younger boy's chin with a gloved hand, turning his face to finally look at him. Near's face had lost the baby fat once making his cheeks round and making his high cheek bones more prominent. Dark eyes that had previously been a little too large for his boyish face were now more proportionate, though still large and framed by thick noir lashes; a stark contrast to his alabaster skin. His full petal pink lips were almost feminine, and definitely very tempting; the boy was no longer a boy, but still just as beautiful as he had always been. Their eyes lingered on one another for a moment longer than really necessary, both were lost in the orbs of the other; and Mello couldn't help but to think back to when he first laid eyes on the vision before him now.

"_L is here! He brought a new kid!" The curious gasps and cries seemed to come from every direction at once, everyone curious as to who could possibly be so special as to be hand delivered by the almighty L; the world's three greatest detectives._

_Mello was just about to make his move in Rover Red Rover, noticing a weak spot in Matt's hold on the boy to his left when he turned to stare at all of the commotion. It was almost as though he could visibly see fate in motion as the shrieks of the other children silenced and the whirlwind of colors seemed to halt. Seven year old Mello didn't know much about Love, just that it was beautiful and pure, and the boy he was currently lost in was certainly both of those things. Feeling his mother's rosary against his chest reminded him of the picture books she would read to him about the Cherubs and how they signified the presence of God himself. Mello felt as though he could drown in the ethereal glow emanating off of the pure white boy across the estate's lawn._

_Cerulean eyes felt as though they would melt out of his skull as they were met with the most impossibly pretty shade of stormy gray he'd ever seen; never knowing such a bland color could evoke so much emotion. The young blonde was suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to know this boy, to be close to him, to find out if his voice was as angelic as he imagined it would be, or if his tendrils of creamy white curls would be as soft; what do angels smell like? So many questions about the new comer bombarded his mind, leaving his game at the wayside. __**I wonder if he actually notices me, or is just looking in general?**_

_Mello was feeling like a schoolgirl with his first crush. The blonde did his best to intensify his gaze on the newest object of his affections and tossed his golden locks over his bare shoulder; resulting in the small boy to trip over himself and fall flat in the grass, his tiny hands coming up just in time to save him from a mouth full of lawn fertilizer. __**Yeah, he noticed me.**_

_Mello couldn't fight the victorious grin that spread across his boy-ish face at the sight of the deep crimson blush staining his angel's cheeks as Rodger helped him to his feet and walked him to the massive building in which they all lived; the boy didn't dare another glance at Mello after that. _

"_Helloooo, Mello Yellow! Earth to Mells!" The blonde quickly snapped out of his revere and turned to look at his friend, a messy tangle of red falling over his way too big goggles that he always insisted on wearing. The red head smiled innocently and admiringly at his friend. "It's your turn!" he squeaked at the blonde. Mello smiled back at him and ran as fast as he could towards the interlocking arms of the children lined up before him._

Mello cleared his throat awkwardly and broke eye contact, holding out the wooden box to the boy, silently asking him again to explain himself. Near hesitated, but opened his mouth to speak. "L had gotten me that robot, it's the first toy anyone had ever gotten me. It had… sentimental value." A rosy blush dusted milky skin and an emotion that Mello couldn't quite place flitted in slate blue eyes, making the blonde's breath hitch. All the guilt from those years ago came flooding back like a tsunami on his soul; Mello was never a person who felt he had time for regret, accepting his life as it were, but if he could go back and change one thing, it would be this. "Near… I-"

Near's eyes shot up to look at him then, brows furrowed and sternness in his onyx eyes. "Don't. You have never apologized to anyone for anything; don't start now. It's very un-Mello-like." Mello was a bit taken aback by how much passion he had in his voice, it was almost as though the younger had respected his relentless disposition; Mello felt a surge of pride run through him at the odd way Near had admired him. The blonde allowed his lips to curl in a half smile as he nodded his acknowledgement at Near's little outburst.

It was then that Mello really appreciated his distance to Near, or rather the lack thereof; he could see every variation of gray and every curled lash, the slight sheen on his bottom lip, the cute slope of his upturned nose. A shiver ran through him as small bumps rose on his bronzed skin, he could practically feel the heat coming off of Near's creamy flesh; then small puffs of warm air on his cheek. _**When had I gotten so close? **_

Mello barely realized his own body inching closer before he ghosted his lips over Near's, a feather light, barely there touch that ignited a fire in him; lightning spiking through every nerve and frying every synapse. Near's eyes fluttered shut as he closed the fraction of space between them, gently but firmly pressing his lips to the older boy; their lips melding together perfectly. Mello was more surprised by how soft Near was than he was by the kiss itself, lips that were usually set in a hard line so much more pillowy than they looked. Reluctantly the blonde pulled back to look at the younger boy whose eyes were still closed, dark lashes resting on flushed skin; when they opened Mello felt the last of his resolve melt away and he reached a hand to again cup the boys face before pulling him back into his mouth, his kiss more passionate and powerful than before; a small hand moving to let down Mello's hair before burying slender fingers into the long flaxen locks, massaging the boys scalp and earning a low groan from his partner. A slick tongue gently swiped across the bottom lip of the younger boy, asking permission to take this further; when answered with a contented sigh the muscle slipped into the younger boy's mouth to explore the warm cavern. Tongues danced languidly, all competitions set aside for the time being, just exploring the other.

Mello's gloved hand slid from the albino's face down his neck, collarbone, fingers dancing along sensitive sides before sliding back up beneath the fabric of Near's thin cotton shirt; hands sliding around to the smaller boy's back and pulling him flat against his body. Soft moans and sighs were steadily dropping from both boys' lips, each sound being swallowed by the other. Nimble fingers untangled from golden hair and moved to the tight leather jacket effectively coming between ivory and olive skin, silently asking to remove the barrier between them. Mello quickly unzipped the offending garment and tossed it aside. The albino boy allowed his hands to trace the dips and curves of well toned muscle; biceps, shoulders, and then was yet again faced with another barrier, Mello's shirt being too tight to slip his hands beneath as Mello was doing to him. A frustrated sigh fell from swollen lips in between kisses as small hands went to tug on the hem of Mello's too tight shirt. Mello pulled back again a question in his sapphire orbs, as though asking _"Are you sure?"_ Of all the scenarios Mello had planned for on the elevator ride up to Near's floor, this was certainly not one of them.

Near gently bit down on his bottom lip, his half lidded eyes glistening and lust filled, gently tugged again on the incommodious piece of clothing between them; Mello lifted his arms as the garment was pulled over his head and thrown half hazardly across the room, his fair hair spilling over his bare shoulders and tickling his skin. Mello quickly reclaimed Near's swollen lips with his own, removing his gloves before his fingers deftly began unbuttoning his shirt, making quick work of it and tossing it aside. Bare hands were now roaming heated and exposed flesh, nails raking across sensitive spots and gripping hips perhaps a bit too roughly; the blonde raising his hand to comb through messy white curls and again surprised by how soft he was. Mello could feel a delicious heat pooling in his stomach, encouraged by the mewls his partner was making at his touches. The blonde's experienced mouth explored the sensitive flesh of the paler boy, lips and tongue and teeth roaming the expanse of the younger's neck before burying his face in soft curls. _**Lavender; Angles smell like lavender. **_Mello breathed in Near's scent deeply before releasing a groan at the soft nipping at a sensitive spot on his neck. The desire raging through both boys was palpable; consuming them both in a sea of soft touches and low moans.

Earnest hands gripped cotton clad thighs roughly as strong muscles lifted the smaller boy who wrapped his surprisingly strong legs around the blonde's lithe waist before laying them both gently down on the marble floor, bodies firmly pressed together. A gasp and the feral moan that fell from Near's lips at the friction of feeling Mello grinding against him spurred the younger on to fondle his partner more fervently than before; movements were becoming harsh and sporadic, every kiss and touch sang of the desperate need they felt. Near felt as though he could drown in this; in every touch that scorched his skin with the very essence of what was Mello. Near felt so close to the edge that he couldn't help the tears that spilled over his flushed cheeks from the intensity of the onslaught of feelings that bombarded him; both physically and emotionally.

Mello's hands slide down Near's exposed sides and to the waist of white cotton pants, waiting for the boy's permission to remove them. Near quickly nodded his head as a steady knocking came at the door, forcing both boys to quickly fly apart in their panic.

"Near, Sir. We have movement; we need you in the communications room." Near sighed heavily and glared at the voice behind the door. "Yes, Rester. In a moment." Near looked into the azure orbs now standing above him apologetically; the older boy simply nodded and tossed him his cotton shirt before adorning his own cloths. Mello was hot, and frustrated, and now very annoyed with this Rester guy. "Restroom?" Near nodded his head towards a closed door in the corner of the room.

Mello splashed cold water over his heated face and did his best to steady his labored breathing and calm his pounding heart; halfheartedly straightening out his tangled hair before exiting to find Near was no longer in the room. Walking down the hallway which he came he found Near and what he assumed to be Rester standing beside Halle and Gevanni; his usual stoic façade perfectly in place, the only evidence of their encounter was a slight purple hued mark peeking through the collar of his shirt. Near approached the blonde, silently handing him his photo before nodding slightly and walking down a different corridor, his team on his heels with the exception of Gevanni who lingered a moment to glare at the rebel blonde as though he knew exactly what had just taken place and didn't approve of it.

The ride down the elevator was more somber than the ride up; his heart both uplifted yet at the same time discouraged by the way things had gone and the tinge of sadness shown in his bright cerulean eyes. As soon as the doors opened the leather clad boy stalked out the lobby door and to his motorcycle with his head kept down, not wanting the cameras to catch his sour expression. Again zipping his jacket higher and swinging a leg over the machinery he takes one last look at the building that held the most beautifully frustrating person he had ever known, a feeling of foreboding weighing heavy on his soul. _**This is it, isn't it?**_

Reaching into his jacket Mello pulled out the photo of himself and flipped it over, eyes widening as he saw that what he had previously thought was a taunt was now a finished letter written in the same fluid cursive.

_Dear Mello,_

_I've spent so many years hiding what I've felt, that I think for a while I even had myself fooled. There are so many years of silence, so many thoughts that I would never have dared to vocalize. So many instances when my body itched to have yours near me. So many nights I couldn't sleep because the spot next to me was too cold and empty. Never for a moment did I see you as my rival, as you did me. If only I had the courage to tell you the truth then, we wouldn't have to be like this now. I love you, Mello. That is all I've ever wanted to say._

_-Near_

Mello stared wide eyed at the letter, reading over and over again, harshly wiping at a solitary tear that dared to fall. The boy looked again at the tall glass building and desperately wanted to race back to the arms of the boy he had both adored and despised; instead, he placed the photo back into his jacket and raced away back to the dingy apartment he shared with Matt.

Mello wasn't the type to regret decisions he's made, accepting life as it were; but if he could go back and do it all over, there were now two things he would have done differently. Shortly thereafter Matt and Mello fell in the war against Kira; the final word whispered was one the frightened woman watching the endeavor could not begin to understand.

"_Near."_


	5. Epilogue: Just Love

_**As many of you may know, this is a oneshot that I had posted quite some time back. As I was wrapping up "Dear Mello" I realized that the perfect ending was already written. This is the story previously known as "Just Love" **_

_**Thank you to all of my fans! Reading your comments about how much you love the stories make me want to be a better writer and give you more material to enjoy. I hope that I reached your expectations and you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing! **_

_**Til next time!**_

_**~Mina.**_

_"Mmmm." Soft moans and sighs fell right after another from soft pink lips. The sensations were something that the young genius had never experienced before. Near opened his eyes and gazed up into the lust filled blue ones above him. _

_"__This has to be a dream. A beautiful dream." __The young albino thought to himself as he felt rough calloused hands run along his thigh. It took every ounce of self control to hold back the urge to beg; to beg his lover to touch him where he longed for it so badly. _

_"Something isn't right…" __Near just couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss. Deep red colored sheets flowing all around them, seemingly going on forever, wrapping him and his lover in an endless sea of silk. The pit pat of the rain outside, streams cascading down the bedroom windows. The flickering of a thousand candles, making his lover glow a soft gold in their light. It was too perfect, too beautiful to be real. _

_"__But Mello, I can feel you." __The young blond leaned in closer brushing his nose against his lover's. Ever so lightly, he pressed his lips to Near's, savoring every moment as though it were his last. Mello's kiss was passionate, desperate almost, as he softly touched the tip of his tongue to Near's bottom lip. Near eagerly granted his lover access and their tongues began to dance. Mello's desperation was now starting to take hold as he frantically began kissing the boy beneath him, his hands roaming every inch of his alabaster skin. It was as if he was trying to memorize Near; the way he feels, the way he tastes. Mello suddenly pulled away to give his lover some air and took a long moment to just gaze into his deep coal colored eyes. _

_"Why won't you tell me what's wrong? Please, say something." __But Mello just smiled, and the only thing that Near could see on his face was love. Mello's entire essence in that moment screamed adoration for his childhood rival turned lover. Near felt as though his heart would explode, that he just couldn't hold all these wonderful feelings at once; but the one emotion that let itself known to him over all the others was Joy. Pure joy. _

_"Mello, I need you." __As if reading his mind Mello began to nip and suck at Near's neck, leaving a small love mark as a result. Mello made his way down Near's body; his chest, his hips, his thighs; leaving a trail of wet kisses in his wake. Mello could feel his arousal throbbing with every small mewl that fell from his lover's kiss bruised lips. Cerulean orbs gazed up into coal as a small smirk crossed Mello's features. Mello took a moment to just stare at his lover, taking in the sight of his need. _

_"Please…" __Mello flicked his tongue across the tip of Near's arousal, earning a gasp from Near. Mello then took Near's full length into his mouth, burying his nose in soft white curls. Near threw his head back, his back arched, and howled his lover's name._

_"Ah! Mello!" Said boy glanced up at the sound of his alias. He chuckled softly around Near's length, proud that the first words to be spoken during their encounter was the calling of his name. Mello's lips suddenly downturned in a frown. His name, that's what was missing here. In this perfect place he was no longer Mello; second place for L's title and rival of Near. No, here he was someone else. Shaking his head he lifted himself to look into Near's eyes. Near pouted at the sudden loss of stimulation, his brows furrowing in confusion he searched Mello's eyes for an explanation. _

_Mello simply smiled down at the boy and whispered "Miheal. Miheal Keehl."_

_Near took a moment to register what was said and his eyes widened at the realization of Mello's birth name. Near smiled, feeling honored at the knowledge that was bestowed upon him, and whispered back._

_"My name is Nate Rivers."_

_With that Mello returned to the task of pleasing his lover, taking him back into his mouth with little warning, leaving Near a writhing mess grasping at the sheets for support. Mello lifted three fingers to his lover's lips, silently commanding him to take him in his mouth. Near began to imitate Mello's actions on the digits as Mello continued bobbing his head in a slow rhythm. Feeling as though his fingers have been properly coated in Near's saliva he removed the digits and placed them at Near's entrance. Carefully he began to push one digit in and immediately felt his body tense. _

_"Please Nate, relax. It won't hurt for long, I promise." Near simply nodded his head and tried his best to relax as Mello pushed his finger all the way into Near's body. It was uncomfortable to say the least. Not wasting a single moment Mello added a second finger, now it hurt. Near released a small yelp, Mello glanced up with sympathetic eyes and ran his tongue over the head of Near's arousal to get his mind off of the pain. Mello's head started bobbing in rhythm with the thrusting of his fingers. Slowly gasps of pain turned into sighs of pleasure. Mello took this as a sign to add a third digit to further stretch his lover, and again he sucked Near's length in rhythm to the thrusting of his fingers. _

_"Miheal, please..." Was all the teen could seem to muster up at the moment, but Mello understood. Mello removed his fingers and giving Near's member one last lick crawled up so that he was face to face with his lover. Settling himself between Near's legs he kissed him as he slowly began to enter his lover. Again, Near tensed and it was all that he could do to not scream. Moving his mouth to Near's neck and his hand to Near's member he began sucking and stroking as he sheathed himself completely inside his lover. They stayed that way for a long time, adjusting to one another. Then Near wound his hand in Mello's long flaxen hair and whispered in his ear;_

_"Move." _

_Not having to be told twice he slowly pulled out of his lover and slammed back in. Over and over Mello thrusted into the lithe boy beneath him, eliciting moans of his name and the pleading whisper for "More." _

_"Miheal! Soon…" Mello nodded his understanding and shifted, lifting both of Near's legs over his right shoulder he quickened the pace and increased the force of his thrusts. Near threw his head back as his back arched off the bed when Mello's member brushed against that bundle of nerves inside of him. With one last thrust Mello released his seed, the feeling of Mello's essence filling him triggered Near's climax as well. Unable to hold himself up any longer Mello collapsed on top of Near, his breathing irregular. Near simply held his lover close and twirled a piece of golden blond hair as they both came down from their post climax high. _

_Mello lifted his head to admire his lover in such a vulnerable state when onyx eyes fluttered open to stare back. All the emotions running through Near's veins were like wildfire, completely consuming his very being; the love that flowed through him showed in his usually blank eyes. _

_It had felt as though they were truly seeing each other for the first time. There was nothing left to come between them. All there was, was love. Any previous doubt that Near felt had melted away with Mello's kiss, with his touch. _

_"Is this Heaven?" __Near's eyes went wide with a sudden realization. He was so drunk off of Mello's presence that he hadn't even realized what was wrong here. Chest rising and falling quickly from taking in panicky breathes Near began to wonder how any of this even started. His mind was failing him, and he couldn't for the life of him remember how he got here, or where "Here" even was for that matter. Mello stared at him, guilt clearly evident on his sharp features. Mello knew what was happening, Near could see it clear as day in his eyes. _

_"Miheal, what is this?" Near asked, searching for answers in a sea of cerulean. _

_Mello's eyes down casted as he slowly sat up, beckoning for Near to lay in his arms. "Nate…" The words just didn't seem to come to him. There was so much that needed to be said. "I'm sorry, Nate." Was all he could say. Near looked up at him expectantly, he was going to get an answer even if it killed him. Near's heart was beating a mile a minute and he was only vaguely aware of the breath that he was holding._

_"I have to go now. Promise me something Nate." Mello's eyes bore into him. Straight past every defense he had ever erected to protect himself. Then again, Mello has always been able to do that. Though the seriousness of the way he looked at him made him shiver. Near just nodded, suddenly unable to use his voice. "Promise me, that you'll live a long life; a happy life." This time all Near could do was stare. Mello kissed his soft head of snow white curls before getting up and dressing himself. _

_The rain was coming down harder now, violently thrashing against the glass window, threatening to break it down. One by one, the candles went out; the warmth and security Near previously felt quickly turned into panic. As Mello walked towards the door he turned to take one last look at the one he loved._

_"I love you Nate. Don't ever forget that." With that he turned the knob and walked out the door. Near wanted to do something, anything. He wanted to run after him and beg him not to go; but his muscles wouldn't listen despite his mind screaming at them to move. So, he sat there where Mello had left him and stared at the now closed door. _

"Near! Wake up!"

"_Why did he leave?"_

"Near! Someone tell me what just happened!"

"_Are you coming back?"_

"Gevanni, quickly; get me some cold water!"

"_Gevanni? Who's voice is that? Oh, that's right. They work for me. The SPK, how did I get back there?"_

"Ngh…"

"He's coming around!"

Near awoke in his bedroom at the SPK headquarters; the sun nearly blinding him as he opened his eyes. His head was throbbing when suddenly he remembered the events of the day before and shot up; almost immediately regretting that decision. Holding his head he turned to see Halle sitting in a chair next to his bed just staring at him.

"How do you feel?" she asked, the concern clearly evident in her voice.

"What happened? How did I get here?"

Halle's eyebrows furrowed a bit. "We were tracking Matt and Mello when they went after Kira's accomplice. The whole ordeal was being broadcasted live on the news. Matt was shot; from what we hear he didn't make it…"

Halle didn't think it was possible for Near's skin to possibly pale anymore than it naturally was; but it seems he proved her wrong, as he often did.

"Mihe-… I mean, Mello? Where is he? I wish to see him." Near's eyes showed every ounce of the worry that he felt. Halle's eyes softened, unsure of what to say she remained silent.

"Lidner. Tell me where Mello is now. That is an order."

"He's gone Near. Takada wrote his name in a piece of the Death Note. He was pronounced DOA. I'm sorry, Near. As soon as I had gotten off of the phone with the coroner you just collapsed. You didn't wake up again until just a few moments ago."

Near just stared, unsure of how to react to the information just given to him. His vision became blurred and he barely even registered the tears steadily falling down his face. Halle shared a knowing look and sat next to him on the bed, cradling him in her arms as she would a child. Near cried for ours in her arms before he finally looked up at Halle and said;

"He was with me last night. He can't be dead, he was with me!" Halle could feel the pain in his voice as he spoke. Halle just sighed and held his face in her hands, gently wiping away his tears.

"You know, they say that sometimes when a person truly cares about someone, they can't rest until they say goodbye. Perhaps, last night was Mello's way of finding peace?" Near frantically shook his head and continued to cry until he fell asleep. Halle tucked him back into his bed and turned to leave the room. Before she shut his door, she whispered "I told you so. I always knew he loved you too." Into the darkness of Near's room.

Nate Rivers lived to the ripe age of 89. Throughout his life he always made a point to smile, to take a moment to be happy. Overall, he kept his promise. And as he lay on Mello's old bed at Whammy's House, by request, he looked to the door and smiled.

"You came back." Were the final words he had spoken. It was a question that only Near knew the answer to, because no one else saw the young blond man enter the room just as he was about to release his final breath. Near not only kept his promise in life, but in death as well; for he died with a smile on his face.


End file.
